The curse of observation refers to the tendency of human beings to be consumed by their constant need to observe the world around them. This curse manifests itself in several ways, affecting both individuals and societies. On an individual level, the curse of observation can make it difficult for people to live in the present moment. Instead of fully experiencing and enjoying their surroundings, individuals are often preoccupied with watching and analyzing everything around them. This constant observation can lead to a sense of detachment and a reduced ability to truly engage with the world. Moreover, the curse of observation can also lead to heightened levels of anxiety and stress.
I quite often ask the group to be as specific as possible when describing the colours or the shapes or the lines – so, instead of just saying red, they might suggest blood red or postbox red or cherry red. They might say wiggly lines or natural shapes. This encourages descriptive language and you could even collect up the responses – or make them visible on a portable whiteboard and create poetry out of them afterwards.
This encourages descriptive language and you could even collect up the responses or make them visible on a portable whiteboard and create poetry out of them afterwards. Use them on your own to improve your observation and description skills or use them with groups to create engaging discussions about art and objects.
Moreover, the curse of observation can also lead to heightened levels of anxiety and stress. People who are constantly observing their environment may develop a heightened sense of awareness and be more prone to noticing potential threats or dangers. This can result in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, leading to increased levels of stress and a reduced ability to relax and unwind.
High sensitivity. A blessing, a curse or simply an observation?
I can be incredibly touched by things. A client told me that her boss, when she returned from her maternity leave, decorated her office completely feng shui style. I got tears in my eyes. Or when we left our beautiful hotel in Piemonte. The super kind hotel manager spontaneously offered us a gorgeous book with images from the region, recipes, interiors… I was moved by his gesture. Again, tears in my eyes. Politeness stopped me from embracing the man. The misery of the world can make me deeply sad. Or sad articles in the paper. Or the passing away of people I don’t even know, accidents, family dramas. I can become totally lyrical about a perfect glass of wine, even without being drunk ;).
The fact that I feel things this intensely helps me a lot in the work that I do. When I had a burn-out a few years ago, I didn’t feel anything anymore. Nothing at all. Emotional ‘flat line’. I never learned how to deal with a lot of feelings. Not emotionally nor physically. And slowly but steadily I didn’t feel anything anymore. No tiredness, not my organs not working well, no more emotions. I became alianated from myself. I had a ‘poker face’, my boss said at the time. Me? Poker face? The girl that could barely hide her thoughts and feelings from the world? When I was younger I would have been a terrible negotiator. You can read everything from my face. As a child I was often told that I shouldn’t let things get to me that much. An advice that does not work at all. Poker face…? It was the umpteenth sign that something was wrong with me. And that I wasn’t in the right place for me. HR is not the place to have lots of emotions, because emotions often stand in the way of a ‘one-size-fits-all’ policy.
It cost me some years of therapy to get everything back on track. Getting back in touch with my feelings and knowing how to handle them. High sensitivity is a blessing that you have to learn how to handle to make sure that events, impressions, statements don’t hit you hard.
Learn to recognize your emotions
If you have a lot of emotions, it can be difficult to untangle the spaghetti. Often you’ll experience a mix of multiple things, both positive and negative. Things that at the same time make you feel angry, disappointed, hopeful, accepted, discarded etc… Find a way to untangle the knot. Say it all out loud, even only to yourself. Or write it down. Or take a shower, a bath, go for a run or a walk… Take the time to clearly state what it does to you and what made you feel that way.
Make a distinction between what is yours and what is someone else’s
A few years ago I learned from a colleague Kelly Fisher the most important difference. You can be a sponge or a sensor. Her advice was to be a sensor and then to sort. Is what you are feeling yours or someone else’s? You can empathize with the sadness of someone who lost someone else, but watch out that you don’t step with them in mourning. Be a sensor and get rid of the rest. A good trick that I discovered from my kids, is singing along with ‘Shake it off’ from Taylor Swift. Shake it off.
Recover!
After a daylong training with a group I can be so exhausted that I can’t speak for a while. That is not because of the people, or the subject, or the group, necessarily. That is just because the fact that delivering a training is an intensive sport and I get a loooooooooooooot of information to process from a group. That is not wrong, it’s actually very good because it means that there was really work being done. Fantastic. There is just one thing that I absolutely can’t skip: to recover. Make sure you have time, if only 15 minutes after finishing your job. A very good technique is to just sit in a quiet spot and do nothing. Just sit and breathe…
Protect yourself
I know from experience that I shouldn’t do certain things and should stay clear from certain people. I rarely watch the news, barely read the newspaper. I don’t want to listen to people who only have bad and negative things to say about everything. That makes me physically unwell. I also try, very hard, not to become engaged in the fights my children have. That makes my stomach turn and mostly they can handle it by themselves. Protect yourself and decide what you are and what you aren’t open for. Filter.
Dare to speak up
Like many highly sensitive people I am not often as ‘ad rem’ as I would like to be. Sometimes I’m just hit too hard and standing there not knowing what to say. Do not assume that everyone knows what things do to you, because they don’t hit everybody that hard and often they didn’t mean it the way you perceived it. Learn how to speak assertively about what you want, what you need and what touches you.
I will always remember the ‘poker face’ signal. Sometimes I wish that I was less of an open book. But then I wouldn’t be me and I would be as good in what I do. There is 1 important condition that comes with it: I have to take good care of myself. If I lose contact with myself, I lose contact with the others and that makes any kind of collaboration less pleasant for both parties. That makes working in certain environments kind of difficult or sometimes simply impossible too. I had to learn to accept that it is what it is and if that’s what it feels like, it’s definitely not my place to be.
The fact that I feel things this intensely helps me a lot in the work that I do. When I had a burn-out a few years ago, I didn’t feel anything anymore. Nothing at all. Emotional ‘flat line’. I never learned how to deal with a lot of feelings. Not emotionally nor physically. And slowly but steadily I didn’t feel anything anymore. No tiredness, not my organs not working well, no more emotions. I became alianated from myself. I had a ‘poker face’, my boss said at the time. Me? Poker face? The girl that could barely hide her thoughts and feelings from the world? When I was younger I would have been a terrible negotiator. You can read everything from my face. As a child I was often told that I shouldn’t let things get to me that much. An advice that does not work at all. Poker face…? It was the umpteenth sign that something was wrong with me. And that I wasn’t in the right place for me. HR is not the place to have lots of emotions, because emotions often stand in the way of a ‘one-size-fits-all’ policy.
Furthermore, the curse of observation can also have negative effects on society as a whole. In an age of constant surveillance and social media, people are constantly observing and monitoring each other's actions. This can create a culture of judgment and criticism, where individuals are always being watched and evaluated by others. This can lead to increased pressure to conform and a fear of being different or standing out from the crowd. Additionally, the curse of observation can also hinder creativity and originality. When individuals are constantly observing the actions and behaviors of others, they may be less inclined to think independently and come up with their own ideas. This can result in a lack of innovation and a society that is dominated by conformity and imitation. In order to break free from the curse of observation, individuals and societies must learn to strike a balance between observing and fully experiencing the world around them. This involves cultivating a sense of mindfulness and being fully present in the moment, as well as embracing individuality and encouraging creativity and originality. By doing so, we can alleviate the negative effects of the curse of observation and live more fulfilling and authentic lives..
Reviews for "The Curse of Observation: Finding Peace in a World of Constant Monitoring"
1. Sara - 2 stars
I found "Curse of Observation" to be quite disappointing. The plot was predictable, and the characters were poorly developed. The main protagonist lacked depth, and I struggled to relate to their motivations and actions throughout the story. Additionally, the writing style was mediocre, with weak descriptions and dialogue that felt forced. Overall, I was expecting more from this novel and was left feeling unsatisfied.
2. Michael - 1 star
"Curse of Observation" is one of the worst books I've read in a long time. The storyline was convoluted and confusing, making it difficult to follow and enjoy. The author seemed to jump from one event to another without any clear connection, leaving me frustrated and disinterested. The grammar and spelling mistakes were also distracting, further taking away from the reading experience. I would not recommend this book to anyone.
3. Emily - 2 stars
I had high hopes for "Curse of Observation," but unfortunately, it fell short of my expectations. The pacing was incredibly slow, and the plot lacked excitement. The dialogue felt unnatural and forced, making it difficult to engage with the characters. Moreover, the ending was anticlimactic and left many loose ends unresolved. Overall, I found the book to be a lackluster and forgettable read.